The first rose to bloom... our new yard has been full of surprises this spring. The daffodils have been absolutely incredible. Then we had these flowers come up that had stalks that looked like asparagus but then opened into these beautiful lavender blooms just at the daffodils quit blooming. We have deep purple iris blooming in the side yard...I almost missed them since it is over in an area I don't see everyday and then this morning...the rose. We have several rose bushes - but this is first to bloom. Spring is such a wonderful time of renewal and rebirth. It's also been a time of preparing for the first anniversary of Pam's departure to heaven. I'm so consumed by this that I can hardly think of anything else. I know it's not healthy or good for me but it is the last thing I think of when I fall asleep and the first thing on my mind when I awake (assuming I actually go to sleep). I'm not sure I want to do something on May 19th or if I just want to let the day pass unnoticed. I think this is what the kids would prefer but sometimes I think I need to do something that I prefer for my own sanity. I'm just not sure.
Yesterday we attended Grace Community Church. It sort of felt like going home. I didn't really think I would feel that way but I did. I felt loved, cared for, understood. Hmmm...what now.
Spring has come - time of renewal, time to rethink where I am, where I am going and time to ask questions about what the Lord wants me to be doing to further his kingdom. I knew what to do when Pam was here - now I mostly feel lost. I miss her - I miss her encouragement - I miss her take control of things attitude - I just miss her hugs whenever I needed them. Lord, I miss My Pam.
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