CHRISTmas time is near....

Dashing through the snow...ho ho ho.... It doesn't seem possible in some ways that Christmas is nearly here. Last year there were two missing faces in our photos - Bryce was in Spain, Kirsten was in the Dominican Republic. Pam was here. Oh if we had only realized just how important last Christmas was and how important each Christmas is...I'm determined to always remember this sad, helpless feeling in order to capture the moment I'm living in. This moment is special - this moment can never be given back to me and the memory of this moment is all I will have when the next moment arrives.

Tomorrow we may see snow - ice - probably rain but the expectation of a winter storm is the same - I get a little excited - know I need to go to the grocery store for bread and milk - and start pondering what to cook.

One week from now will be Christmas eve. Hopefully by then all the presents will be wrapped and we can share family times that will be captured on film and in our hearts forever.

Pam will get to celebrate Jesus birth in person with our Savior this year - part of me is so very sad and then part of me is so very jealous! We miss you, my Pam - we love you.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night....

Thankful at Thanksgiving...

We have celebrated our first Thanksgiving in our new home and lived through our first Thanksgiving without Pam's presence. This morning I feel the loss more strongly - I would have been up at 5 AM to head out to black Friday sales. We always did this together - she made it fun.

Today we will be going out to get our tree. It's a time we really experience all the "joys" of family. I like this one, no it's too small, I like this one, no it's too tall, I like this one, no it's too....you know the "fun" times and then we see it and life is good. After a trip to Krispy Kreme for "dinner" we will head home and put the tree in the house and then get to remember all the past Christmases.

The kids are doing so well at least on the outside. Each is enjoying fixing up their new rooms. If only my bank account could keep up with their "needs" - once again we are trying to practice the "needs" versus the "wants" mentality.

Life is busy but good. We still have lots to sort through both physically and mentally and pray for the Lord to walk this journey with us everyday.

New Home...

It is so hard to really believe that this time next week we will be in a new house. A new house that we will make into our new home. God's hand has been so evident in the orchestration of the purchase. I believe he led me to this house through a simple search of a house large enough for all of us in a place we would all feel at peace and that Ashley would be able to continue in the same school district. The peace we felt when we first walked in the front door was so astounding.

Packing up has been hard - well I guess it is hard. I haven't really done any of the packing so far but I come home each day and Kirsten and Jay's mom will have packed something else up. It's very emotional leaving this house. Our children grew up there. All our memories of Pam are there. All the birthday parties, Christmas mornings, and all the other memories that are a part of our lives were created there. And yet I have a peace about moving on. I think Pam would "approve" and be happy for us.

I laugh and cry when I think of packing up. She would probably already have it all done ... me I just keep saying I'll get it done in time....:) I miss her. Oh, how I miss her.

I pray for the children. They are silent about their inner thoughts and I know they must be feeling the same mixed emotions about moving. But they are excited too and that is such fun to watch and be a part of. They keep teasing me about my ORANGE dining room and PINK kitchen. So when you sell a house and the realtor says stick with neutral colors to help it sell - remember we purchased a house with ORANGE and PINK where ORANGE and PINK should never be. :)

Keep on praying for us....

New Home...

If all goes as planned we will be moving over Thanksgiving...I am shocked, amazed and generally just overwhelmed. It is something we have all wanted for years but never thought it would happen and yet we love our home and always will.

The last five months have been difficult to say the least but lately just coming into the house has been so very hard. Then with the break in on October 5th - life has seem different. After talking with each of the children we (Jay and I) were led to look for a home and then see what we would do with my mom who lives next door. Pretty overwhelming tasks.

We found a house we LOVED and is available now - we did the back and forth offering and counter offering with dear sweet Kate Black at our sides and Jack and Lisa Kody's prayer and support and we came to an agreement two days later.

I talked with my mom - she visited a retirement community - fell in love with it and is moving after November 1. She is scared and excited all at the same time but it will be such a blessing for her to have the social contacts she has so missed since moving to Greensboro. Her parking lot is 3.6 miles from our new driveway - I know because we clocked it. She would have liked to move in with us but we both agreed that wasn't best for anyone and would just put her in another house alone during the day while we are gone.

We are scheduled to close 11/20 and I plan to cook a turkey in my new oven...I will even be able to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher - something I haven't had in 20 years.

The Lord is working out so many details. He is in control and that is good - the move will be very difficult - prayers and lots of help will be needed but we feel confident and blessed in this journey.

Thank you Lord...Life may be hard - but God is so good.

Weddings....happy days

Sometimes the Lord just blesses you with a wonderful event - a wedding. We had the privilege of witnessing the marriage of two precious friends on Saturday - it was probably the most touching, funny, happy and most blessed event I have ever attended. I cried, I laughed and I got to see precious friends. Thank you Lord for giving me this moment of joy!

Pam remains...

Well Monday was interesting to say the least. Our home was broken into while Bryce, Kirsten and Mollie were asleep upstairs. Bryce came downstairs and that scared them off with a few odds and ends plus Kirsten's laptop but they didn't harm him or the girls and for that we are so very thankful.

Over the years when break-ins have occured in our neighborhood, Pam would always tell the children that they were safe upstairs and that she would not let anyone get past her room. Well these intruders came in through "Pam's" bathroom window - went through her closet to her bedroom and this where Bryce discovered them. They ran out through the laundry room door and did not ever get into any other part of the house. So the Lord must have built a protective wall around our children yesterday and allowed Pam's commitment to keep them safe in tact.

It's hitting me today what could have happened - how awful it could have been and just how blest we are in the midst of yet another major life event. Lord, we are in need of a time of rest, please.

Fall....

Well it's officially fall and now it officially feels like it! Cool mornings - nice evenings and more missing Pam. She loved fall... I'm looking at the flower garden I have tried to keep alive since May and wondering if I'm supposed to be doing something? Guess I can pull up those annuals that have finally said "I'm Done" and maybe I'll plant some pansies. That would be new - Pam didn't usually plant those. I'm trying to keep the flower beds nice for her and yet make them my own.

Jay is busy dismantling the pool. Big messy job! We are going set up a fire pit for the fall/winter. We hope to have some winner roasts/s'mores with friends, family and may the scout troop.

Jay has had a hard week - One of his co-workers and dear friends was laid off. He is sad and feeling guilty that he still has a job. It is a double edged sword - you feel guilty and thankful at the same time.

Mollie gets information on her dream of going to Disneyland for an internship today. I'm praying she will know the Lord's will for her in this endeavor and that I will be silent and let her find her way.

We are visiting a different church. It is hard - we miss our dear friends at 5:14 - but I just take a deep breath and press on. I don' t like this place I am in but as I was talking with a co-worker today I have to keep reminding myself God really IS in control.

Thank you Lord for the seasons - I love fall until all the leaves are fallen and leave the barren trees - this always makes me sad. Then I can pray for snow :)....